Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
