i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
