I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
