So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So vagazzling was a success
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
