oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
