Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
