I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
