We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
