I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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