We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
they're like a gay fantastic four
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
