Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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