member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
