and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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