if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
