You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
