evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
