Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
