Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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