I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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