Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
