Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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