so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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