So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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