I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
