Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
