If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
