I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
