I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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