I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
