I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
