Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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