I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
