I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
