so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's the barista slut.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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