My ATM looks so different sober.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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