if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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