Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
