you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
