Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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