did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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