Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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