I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
