Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
