I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
