the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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