I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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