I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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