Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
