Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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