this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Someone signed my nipple.
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