First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
